Happy Easter! My kids are on Spring Break, so we’ve journeyed to my parents’ house in Western NY to celebrate with my family. For the past several years, we’ve had to leave on Sunday to get home for school on Monday and we’ve been celebrating on Saturday. This year, my sister couldn’t do Saturday, so we moved it to Friday. The sentiment is the same and we were lucky to have a nice sunny day for the festivities. Basically, we adults ate and drank and chatted while our children played with their cousins. Maybe it’s a mark of their getting older because for the most part everybody got along.
It was lovely, except for the blip of our vizsla deciding she had to get to something on the screened in porch (which was blocked off). Not only did she rip the screens, but she chewed up the down spout of their gutter and tore part of it off! It’s metal! Crazy
Those of you who know me, know I enjoy a variety (far too many) of TV shows. One of them is American Idol.
Yesterday, I was watching an episode from a couple days ago. It was group night in Hollywood week, and as usual there were various train wrecks being enacted; people staying up all hours of the day and night (and still not knowing the lyrics), passing out from anxiety attacks, fights, etc. One of these incidents, included a woman who displayed a phenomenon I am all too familiar with–self-sabotage.
Ostensibly, the contestant was not happy with her group and when they went to bed, spent most of the night looking for a new one, and most of her time the next day either fighting with them over it, or trying to find a new group. When it was time to go on, her performance was not up to par because she was clearly still hanging on to her emotional issues.
Naturally, she was the only one in the group to get cut.
I was struck immediately by the fact that she had sabotaged her own performance.
Why did she do that to herself?
Well, we self-saboteurs (yes, I struggle with this) don’t know we’re doing it at the time.
Procrastinators are some of the biggest self-saboteurs. To the rest of the population, procrastination is easily solved. It’s merely laziness. Just give yourself enough time to do what needs to be done. Even procrastinators can identify this solution. We always think, next time I won’t wait until the last minute, but the next time never seems to come.
This is the most vital clue that there is more than simply sloth involved. If a person continues a negative behavior even after identifying it, there’s mostly likely something more deep-seated at work.
Why do we self-sabotage?
Deep down we’re afraid we’re just not good enough, at our job, our vocation, being a parent. Sometimes, we can even do it in relationships, because we’re not good enough to be loved, either.
We hide from the fear by giving ourselves a monologue. I didn’t fail because I’m inadequate, but because I was in the wrong group, chose the wrong song, waited too long to apply, and so on.
Are you a self-saboteur?
Here are some signs.
Do you have an excuse? Do you repeat it in your head?
Instead: When you’ve finished something, you should be able to say, “I did everything I could.” Not, “if only I had or hadn’t…”
2. Do you find yourself worrying you might do something wrong in advance? “I better not forget to take breath there or I won’t have enough air to hold the note.”
Instead: Focus on the positive. Be your own coach. “I’ll take a breath there and finish strong.”
3. Do you compare yourself to someone else?
Remember: No one else is you. Focus on doing your best. It’s all you have control of.
4. Do you ignore or downplay your past achievements. “Yes, I have four and five star reviews, but I don’t have enough.”
Instead: Celebrate you achievements. Success kills fear, but only if you embrace it.
Are you a self-saboteur like me? Do you watch Idol? Do you have some examples or tips for the rest of us struggling with this problem? I’d love to hear from you!
Congratulations, Ohio State Buckeyes on winning a true National Championship!
I’m not really a football fan, but the Buckeyes are special to me for more than just geographical reasons (I live in a suburb of Columbus).
The last time the Buckeyes won a National Championship was the 2002 season. I remember it very well, because I was in the hospital having my first child.
(Warning labor story) she wasn’t due until February 6th, so it was quite a surprise when my water broke on January 3rd! I’d just been to the doctor the day before and been told everything seemed fine for her original delivery date, for goodness sake! But at seven am it happened. Because it happened so early, I acted like a total moron. (Me: It can’t be my water! It’s too early! DH: Call the doctor. Me(the moron): but no one will be there yet!) I finally got my brain together, called and was told to come to the hospital, back then it was called the Ohio State Medical Center, or OSUMC.
Skipping ahead, I am not a hero and was soon drugged up and attached to so many devices I told my sister over the phone that I felt like a Borg. Twelve hours later, around ten, the serious work began, but no luck. Meanwhile, OSU was busy playing in the Tostidos Fiesta Bowl.
I swear to this day, my doctors dragged their feet getting the OR ready so they could finish watching the game. My proof? At one in the morning my daughter was delivered and as the OB handed her over he said (and we have this on DVD), “and by the way, OSU won.”
So when you say, O-H and my kids return I-O, they come by it honestly.
Anybody else have kids born on “special occasions?”
(Warning excessive whining) I’ve been fighting a cold/sinus attack from Hell/migraine since Saturday, so my edits for my New YA Fantasy Romance are going very slowly. Part of me says, “come on, push through you wimp!” But the other professional writer part says, “you’ll start to skim and miss things.”
Have you seen that commercial where the guy opens the door and says, “I’m really sorry, I’m going to have to call in sick tomorrow and he’s talking to a baby in a crib?” I feel the same way about edits, unfortunately, NyQuil (or any number of drugs) hasn’t made any difference.
My tree is still up. Yes, it’s artificial. You don’t have to picture a pathetic stick, dropping needles all over my hardwood floor. We always keep our tree up until after my daughter’s birthday, but I’m pleading edits. I have a history, though of getting it down late. One year, it was still up when my Mom came to visit in February (she’s never let me forget it!) Still, as I get older I’m trying to do better.
I let my eleven year-old daughter watch America’s Next Top Model as an educational experience.
Let me ‘splain. The young models say and do things which I would hope my daughter never does. They make ignorant comments and they trash their fellow contestants.
One of the latest contestants claimed to be a witch, but made comments about doing spells to get rid of contestants, etc. I don’t have an extensive knowledge of witchcraft, but I know about the three-fold law (and pretty much every culture has some version of this) whatever you put out comes back to you three-fold. I pointed this out to my daughter. Sure enough, a few episodes later, this person got himself ejected from the show because of being violent with another contestant.
I’m also trying very hard to make my daughter understand that in life we are only competing against ourselves. Concentrating on what others are doing takes the focus off what we need to do to succeed ourselves. This shows up over and over again on ANTM.
So what do you think? Am I weird? You’ve gone off the deep-end, Karin! ANTM is just fluff!
Sort of odd: Ok, I can see your point, but I wouldn’t let my daughter watch it.
Or am I: Spot on. Shows like these offer a chance to discuss character-building with our kids!
Let me have it! Or feel free to share how you are weird (or not).